by Jessie Lucier

Babies cry. And some babies cry a lot. Almost all new parents experience a few weeks to a few months of sleepless nights, mounting anxiety and possibly some hair loss due to their infant child’s newly formed vocal cords working at full blast. Some call this colic (properly defined as at least three consecutive hours of inconsolable screaming), some attribute it to gas, and others contend that it’s due to over stimulation, especially in the first three months – the “4th trimester.”

Whatever you want to call it or attribute it to is fine, I guess, but it naming and defining it offer no help when it’s 1 a.m. and that sweet, little baby of yours is wailing full volume and nothing, NOTHING you do can calm her.

Deep breath. My partner and I have been walking around for weeks with dark circles under our eyes and vacant expressions because we have a crier. Our sweet, little 10-week-old coos, smiles and sleeps most of the day, but come 6 p.m. or, lately, 1 a.m., our sweet, smiling cooer turns into Mad Baby.

When the crying began at about four weeks, I thought it was a phase. At 5 weeks, I thought it was gas and turned to friends with babies for advice. At 6 weeks, we borrowed “The Happiest Baby on the Block” DVD from the library. At 7 weeks, I posted cries for help on my facebook page. At 8 weeks, I consulted her pediatrician at her 2-month visit. At 9 weeks, I spoke with a lactation consultant I met at the Apple Store, a mother I met at my gym’s daycare facility, and momma friends who I used to work with. This new baby of mine might have been keeping me up, but she was also playing a large role is all of my social interactions. And, then 10 weeks hit and, wham, 6 p.m. came and went. No crying. We cooked dinner and cared for our 5-year-old while actually being able to have a conversation that wasn’t a series of “WHAT!”s. And, then, just when we thought we were in for a full night of rest, the same old song and scream began at 1 a.m. Deep breath.

So, we’re still in week 10, and our evenings are quiet. We all had dinner together – at the same time, at a table – tonight. It’s nearly 10 p.m. now and I’m writing, Peanut is happy in her swing, Brother is sound asleep upstairs and Daddy is working on a project on his computer. I’d cross my fingers if I didn’t need them for typing and pray that Mad Baby will not make her nightly appearance, but I know that 1 a.m. may be met with screams, and not dreams.

What I’ve learned through all this is to just ride the baby wave. What I’ve learned not to do is to let Peanut “cry it out” – a practice that was adopted long ago during heavy influenza outbreaks to limit infant exposure, and then practiced in the 1980s with the belief that it would help babies to become  independent individuals later in life. Studies from Yale University and Harvard Medical School, to cite just two examples, now indicate that “Ferberizing” your baby, the controversial practiced developed by Dr. Richard Ferber, can impact neurological development and lead to lifelong emotional scaring.

So, we hold our Peanut. We cuddle her and try to make her feel as warm and safe as possible while she wails away. The experience of my friends and knowledge of our pediatrician help me to believe that this will pass, and, for most babies, it is a natural part of development.

But, if you just can’t wait it out, here are some things you can try. A few of these we’ve had some success with.

First, I absolutely suggest borrowing “The Happiest Baby on the Block” either in book or DVD format from the library. In it, Dr. Harvey Karp offers some techniques, which he calls the 5 S’s, which simulate what babies experienced in the womb.

Second, invest in a swing, which Dr. Karp also suggests. We had HUGE success with this little machine! The only downfall is that it will not calm your baby, but it will keep her calm once, IF, you can get her into a tranquil place.

You can also try gripe water, if you believe that your baby’s upset is due to gas. Or try lavender oil in a tub or a little bit of chamomile tea in a bottle with a wee bit of sugar if you believe that she’s over stimulated.

Using a sling worked sometimes, and helped us get some things that require hands done during the evening hours. Expect your baby to continue crying at first, but stick with it, and she may fall into sleep. But beware, once removed from the sling, the crying usually returns in full force.

Finally, nurse her. This seems to calm Peanut down no matter how worked up she is. While this works for us, I’ve heard that other babies simply refuse the nipple and wail on. And, if it does work, well, how many hours of nonstop nursing can even the most patient of mommas endure?

These may work well individually or you might get lucky and find the ideal combination – the momma I met at the gym swore by the gripe water and lavender combination – but, still, your new baby might cry. And caring for them – cooing or crying – is what we do. It’s what our parents did for us and what our children will do for theirs. We’ll all endure the sleepless nights and the anxiety-induced hair pulling. And then one day, soon (we hope!), she’ll stop.

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Jessie Lucier has a master’s degree in journalism with a focus on environment, policy and society from the University of Colorado at Boulder. She is the mother of two children, a 5-year-old son and a newborn baby girl.  She has reported and written on issues varying from colony collapse disorder to eco-friendly camping. Currently, she works as a freelance writer with a primary focus on honeybees, children, natural parenting and environmental issues.

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